


The Breaking Point

by ThatEsqCrush



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, References to Depression, References to Illness, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:42:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25072561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatEsqCrush/pseuds/ThatEsqCrush
Summary: Reader struggles with depression and anxiety. It becomes too much and Rafael is there for them.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Reader, Rafael Barba/You
Kudos: 12





	The Breaking Point

**Author's Note:**

> If you or someone you know is struggling, please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

“Cariño? I am home,” Rafael called out, entering your shared apartment. Rafael set his leather briefcase on the counter, along with his keys. He made his way into the apartment, loosening his tie as he looked for you.

“Y/N?” Rafael called out again, his voice laced with worry. Y/N?“ he questioned out loud once more, only to be answered again with silence. Panic began to set in; Rafael began to search the other rooms, desperate to find you. Though the bedroom was a mess, it was empty. He reached for his cell phone and quickly dialed your number. The dull buzzing sound of the vibrating phone filled the room.

Rafael’s head began to spin; his throat felt dry and he could feel the bile rise in his throat. Just as he was about to dial for Olivia, a noise from the master bathroom distracted him. Rafael walked over to the bathroom, preparing for the worst. However, the sight before him surprised the hell out of him.

You were sitting on the toilet, your head in your hands. You looked up at Rafael, your eyes were puffy and red, mascara streaked your cheeks.

“Rafael,” you whispered acknowledging his presence.

“Fucking Christ, Y/N - are you okay? You gave me a near heart attack!” Rafael swore, rubbing his face, tiredly. You hung your head once more, sniffling and hiccuping.

“Cariño, what’s going on?” Rafael pressed once more, now crouching in front of you, using a single finger to lift your chin and meet his gaze. Rafael searched your eyes and he could see that you were immensely sad.

“I - I just am having a really hard time. I just don’t know if I can really do this anymore. I need you here; you’re always working. I don’t sleep; I am increasingly anxious. I - I…” You were at a loss of words. The lump in your throat was growing and it hurt to swallow. “I don’t deserve to be alive. Living hurts too much.”

“Did you call your therapist?” Rafael asked. You shook your head in response. Rafael let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “I think you need to call her tomorrow. I think it’s time for you to discuss medication.”

“I don’t want to take medication!” you spat out angrily. “I am not crazy!”

“No one said you were,” Rafael replied gently. “But you need to take care of yourself. You’ve been in a bad place for a long time now. It’s been weeks of me finding you like this.”

You began to openly weep once more.

“Medication might help. May be it won’t. But we have to try. How many times have you said to others in similar situations - it’s like taking a blood thinner if you have a heart condition. You wouldn’t rebuke that,” Rafael continued.

You shrugged. “I don’t like asking for help.”

“No one does,” Rafael replied softly. “But there’s nothing shameful or to be embarrassed of.”

You let out a shaky sigh. “I suppose you’re right.” Rafael cupped your face and gave you a small grin. “Okay. How about I get you cleaned up and we go to bed?”

You nodded once more. Rafael stood up and wet a washcloth in the sink. He helped you up, and holding you closely against him, he wiped your face, cleaning you.

Once done, Rafael exited the bathroom. You sat back on the toilet seat, feeling defeated. Rafael emerged once more, this time with a pair of your sweat-shorts and your favorite t-shirt: his Harvard shirt.

Rafael helped you out of the clothes you were wearing and helped you into the clothes he brought. Once dressed, he helped you brush your teeth and then led you to bed. Rafael stripped out of his suit, and climbed into bed. Rafael pulled you against his chest. Your ear to his chest, you could hear the thump of his heart beating.

“I am sorry,” you whispered meekly.

Rafael stroked your hair, and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “You have nothing to be sorry about. I love you. More than anything. I want you here. You matter. The world is a better place with you in it,” he replied firmly.

You didn’t respond, so Rafael nudged you. You rose up slightly and looked at him. “I love you too.”

Rafael pressed another kiss to your lips. “Tomorrow, we’ll call your therapist together and get you in for a session. I’ll go with you - if that’s okay? I will have Carmen clear my schedule.”

You nodded. Your eyes were wet with unspilled tears. “Thank you. I’d like that.”Sleep soon followed.

The next morning, you woke up to the smells of rich coffee filling the apartment. You slowly shuffled to the kitchen, and found Rafael pouring coffee from the carafe. A spread of scones, bagels, jam, and schmear filled the table.

“Morning, mi pequeña rosa,” Rafael greeted. You opened your arms and Rafael pulled you into a hug.

“Morning, guapo,” you replied, a small smile tugging on your face. Rafael’s eyes lit up. “There’s that smile I know and love,” he quipped.

“Thank you for taking care of me last night. I am just so stressed. I am at my breaking point,” you replied, gently pulling out of his embrace. You pulled a chair and sat, tucking one leg under another.

Rafael sat next to you, and he pushed a cup of coffee and a glass of water towards you. “I know. And I want you to know that you aren’t alone. I am here for you. Those vows we took. I meant them. For better or worse; sickness and in health. We’re going to get through this sweetheart. I know we will. You’re the bravest person I know.”

You stared at your husband and then nodded. “I know. Okay. Let’s make that phone call.”

FIN


End file.
